WHOYOUDATING-THE BLOG

WHY NO CALL BACK?

MYSTERY DATER — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 03:12:55 GMT

There may come a time that you wait for a call that never comes. Someone contacts you by email or phone and says they will give you a call and they don’t. This can mess with your head as you try to think of the seven-hundred-fifty-four reasons they didn’t call, when in reality it may be something innocuous.

First let’s examine the reasons you first think explain why they didn’t respond to your emails. These reasons depend on your ego. If you are the confident type, you will immediately figure that they never called or emailed back because they realized by the initial contact that you were far superior to their simplistic intellect and mundane life they lead. You assume they realize they could never fit in with your jet-set life style let alone have a conversation with someone like you.

At the other end of the spectrum are those who are not so confident. They might think the reason for not emailing back is related to tragic consequence such as that the other person may have realized that you had spinach caught between your front teeth, and even though they couldn’t see it, they knew it was there, none the less, by the wording you chose in your last email to this individual. Maybe that’s an unusual example, but perhaps, you figured that the person could tell you are a dullard by the font you chose for you emails.

Other considerations relate to phone calls. In the case of phone contact, both of you had the chance to know more about the other person than could be learned by mere email. Now you had the chance to hear the voice, any associated tones that might be garnered in such a conversation and you also have the chance to analyze the content of such conversation. Now, if they don’t call you back or don’t pick up your calls you want to know why. The same thoughts go through your head as with the email relationship that ended with no explanation. The confident people fault the other person and those lacking confidence blame themselves, while, in fact, it often has nothing to with you personally. So let’s explore the reasons people don’t get back to you besides your being a loser.

The most likely non-personal reason (i.e. your phone conversations and/or emails don’t reveal you to be a total loser) usually relates to situations going on in the other person’s life. Quite often, the other person has found another person while they were shopping around. That’s right, if you are looking for a nice outfit and traveled to many store, once you find what you want, you’re not running back to the other stores. Same goes for Internet dating. That nice person you spoke with or emailed a few times has found someone else. Now, do realize the courtesy of an explanation is in order, but so many people are either aloof, too busy, inconsiderate of generally don’t realize that the proper courtesy is a simple explanation: “After receiving your email, I just knew you had spinach between your front teeth – central incisors – and that’s a turn off to me, so I won’t be communicating with you any longer.”

They may have gone back with a previous lover. That is quite common.

They may have given up on dating after having many unsuccessful encounters.

And don’t forget, they may have died. I know that’s a morbid thought, but it can’t be left out of consideration when trying to rationalize why you didn’t get a call back.

Let’s not forget the possibility that this perspective mate may have moved out of the geographical local –GU – geographically undesirable.

Now for some personal reasons they may have avoided your calls and emails.

You were, in fact, a drip. You folks usually know who you are.

There is the possibility that you were not the other person’s type either from an educational view, a looks view or you may have incompatible interests, like one of you like to ski, hike and ride dirt bikes while the other is a nester. You get the point.

Don’t get hung up on searching for reasons that one fish got away. Remember, there are many fish in the sea or however that saying goes.

THE CRUISE

MYSTERY DATER — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 04:55:18 GMT

The cruise is an even better way to really know your new mate than the mere land vacation, unless, of course, you took a cruise for your first vacation. All of a sudden you are thrust into close quarters in a closed biosphere with the person you are probably dating on a regular basis, and may even be considering for a life partner.

It’s the close quarters that make this situation so touchy. If you were smart and took a full week to cruise, you get the whole effect. A two or three day voyage won’t always cut it. Of course, if you do the whole week and this person is driving you nuts, you may want to toss them overboard. Conversely, if you are driving them nuts, they may want to toss you overboard, so watch your back.

Putting away clothing and deciding who gets the most closets is usually gender based (yes, the girls get more space because they have more stuff). If your mate is unusually greedy about how much space they get, this is a good foreshadow of what they’re going to want at the divorce settlement. While that was supposed to be a joke, it is very true.

If you see a dark side to your mate in any circumstance, it is going to come out big time when conflict arises, and there are not too many more contentious conflicts than a contested divorce. That is why you have to read the CYA chapter in the soon to be released book Covering Your Ass in Divorce.

A cruise also offers a great opportunity to see your mate’s stamina. Cruising offers so many activities that take place in such a multitude of locations under the intense weakening effects of the Caribbean sun that you will learn a great deal about this “other person” as the days go by.

Being is close quarters and having certain romantic expectations (remember, you’re dating – if you’re married and cruising, sex may not be as important any longer), you may be having sex every night. If you picked any longer than the seven day cruise, you may both need to see a urologist by the end of the vacation.

LOVE AT FIRST SITE

MYSTERY DATER — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 20:22:42 GMT

While love at first site is a romantic notion and one that some are fortunate to find, most have to settle for some type of a “chemistry” connection. This means that you may feel good about someone from the moment you meet, but unless it’s a chemical explosion, it’s not going to be at the same level as love at first site.

I posit that love at first site and chemistry in general is made up of both lust and the heart – sex and emotion, with lust/sex being the stronger component of the thing we call chemistry for men while emotion is the stronger component for women.

Many relationships are lopsided, where there can be love at first sight for one while the other sees nothing and would never pursue the relationship. Unless there is perfect and continues weighting of this thing we call love at first sight, a relationship could be clouded with subtle cracks that allow it to fall apart for no apparent reason. And when the things that made for the chemistry fade, it is not likely that your lover is going to tell you he/she is not really that into you because they either wish to be kind or they don’t really understand it themselves.

The lucky ones are those who truly experience love at first sight and the feeling is equally mutual. They are using two extreme forces to bind them together – the emotion/heart and the sex/lust – the very strong glue of relationships.

The third component that makes up relationships has to do with reason. What are some of the reasons people get into relationships. Oh, there are so many reasons, but the big ones are for money, prestige, dependency, companionship, security, to leave a bad situation, and the list goes on.

For those who enter into relationships using nothing more than reason/the brain, they are often doomed to frustration and breakup over time if the reason for being in the relationship disappears. Everyone knows that if you marry only for money (a good reason if you want to live a rich life) and the money is gone, the relationship falls apart.

It’s all about balance. You need sound “reasons” combined with “chemistry” and a whole lot of “other things” to be explored at a future posting for relationships to work out.

YOUR PROFILE - REVISITED

MYSTERY DATER — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 15:32:42 GMT

After reading a bunch of Internet dating profiles over a long period
of time I noticed a theme, of sorts, that can best be described as poorly executed. You may need to rework the way you present yourself. After all, who you meet is an important matter whether you just date, have a new friend or end up marrying.

The perfect profile for iDating

I like to have fun but know when to be serious.

Don’t we all want to have fun? Isn’t this a given? Then why do 80% of profiles state that they want to have fun?

I like going out but can stay in and snuggle just as well.

Again, I think we all like to go out and snuggle when we get home. Maybe state things that are not so obvious!

I can even stand in the doorway and be happy.

If You really want to cover all bases, you may want to mention this position, too?

My glass is half full.

Then why are you on medication for depression?

I value loyalty, truthfulness and goodness but I want a man with an edge

Men with an edge are pigs! Don’t expect loyalty and truthfulness.

I like living on the edge but only of a small curb where there is no traffic

That’s because you are loyal!

I love sports as long as they don’t interfere with my gardening.

You’re trying too hard to be accepted?

I love scuba diving in my above-ground pool.

Don’t tell us about all the activities you don’t really like to do.

The Basics

Some of the profiles are absolute turnoffs. I hope you can tell if your own profile is guilty of being poorly written and fix it before life passes you by.

Spelling and grammar mistakes say something about you on a subtle level. I know you think everyone will excuse you, thinking you were just in a rush, and some will, but the quality guys and gals who speak English properly will not give you a pass. Have your fifth grade teacher edit your profile to make sure it’s well written.

Here’s some more help

Get a profile name that exudes greatness and is an amalgamation of all things good. I just saw one that said, Mizery13. Is this a joke, or is this a very depressed person? Maybe Happy Girl 7 says it better.

What about that cleavage?

Now here’s a subject that needs to be addressed. There are so many “come hither” photos. I suppose there are some women who believe in the “sex sells” phenomenon. They are actually on to something – sex does sell! What they may be missing is that they are actually selling sex, perhaps to their detriment if they are looking for a meaningful relationship rather than a roll in the hay.

It’s rather funny to see how many photos are taken with women bending down to put on their shoe. WTF. I suppose they weren’t ready for the photo and since there were none others they posted this one…or is it because when you bend over to adjust your shoe, your cleavage explodes forth from the tight shirt that just so happened to have the top three buttons undone.

If you’re going to take a photo half-dressed, why leave us wondering about the rest of the package? Take a shot adjusting your garter-belt and thong! Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I think revealing oneself in a hooch-manner may be sending the wrong message though I‘m sure it works. Just don’t complain about attracting the players.

Exhibitionism works both ways. Do you really think a guy who posts photos with in his muscle shirt or without a shirt is the type of guy who is interested in a quality relationship? While most of us have some level of exhibitionist tendencies, it’s not one of those traits that breed quality kind of people.

Interestingly, those who can’t seem to walk with head held high based in their intrinsic worth tend to go to the extreme. There are those folks who need to find something to substitute for substance. There are those who do the “gym thing” to develop admirable bodies while others opt for showing “the goods” (cleavage et al) and others take it to another level by going the ink and piercing root. Yes, they paint their bodies with assorted tattoos and pierce their faces to extreme. Then they enjoy the stares that they somehow think of as admiration while they are often getting stares of “What were you thinking?”

The Guys Profile Test –

Here is a simple test to see if you learned anything today. Read through this profile and see if there is anything that you feel sends the wrong message or that could have been better constructed by using the hints offered above.

My friends all say I’m miserable, rude, boring and not to be trusted. I don’t like having fun and would much rather stay in the house sulking. I don’t even own a glass, but if I did, there would be no bottom – hence – it would be empty. I watch a lot of TV after hours of watching porn, the later being my preference. For a first date I think we should meet at a public water fountain. That way no one has to pay for coffee in case we realize we are not a match. I had a dog, but he left home because I used to forget to feed him one too many times, but he was loyal (like me) when I remembered to feed him. Well that’s about it, so take a look at my photos of me in my Speedo. I think you may especially like the one showing the tattoo that covers my back with the picture of me on my friends Harley (well not actually my friend, it was at the curb outside this biker bar and I just got on it for the photo). Well that’s all I can think of to tell to you so, so long for now, and I hope we can meet really soon and maybe get married if the sex is good. Yours truly, Satan666

The Girls Profile - Test

My friends all say I'm a great shopper at retail outlets. While they often think of me as being catty, I take that to mean feline in appearance. I like to have fun, and if you want to find me, check out the beach to find me just chilling. The last book I read was Jane and Tom Go to School. I like the part about Jiff, the dog, running. To quote: "Run Jiff, run." I think it's the plot that gives me chills ever since I first read those words in second grade - a real classic. With lights down low, I like to snuggle, but don't think snuggle means sex because it doesn't. It means: to snuggle. My Champagne glass is always mostly full and I'm working on that issue at AA. Here's a picture of me putting on my shoe - forget the shoe, take a look at my boobs. I got a good deal on them, 3.5K by an Indian surgeon - can't pronounce his name. I'd give you his number but he had to go back to India suddenly. Anyway, as you can see, I do well with 36 double D's. Just make sure you look at all my photos because as you will see, I shop at all the finer stores. Well, that's it for now. I hope we can do one of those simple first dates at a high-end steakhouse. I find that high calorie food helps me maintain a tight fit in my Victoria Secret pushup bras. FYI I am interested in marriage as long as you don't expect sex too often. Once a month is a compatible number for me - what say you? Yours Truly, Bitch4U

YOUR EX THINKS YOU'RE A JERK

MYSTERY DATER — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 15:41:05 GMT

I find it utterly amazing how many great men and women are on dating services - at least based on their descriptions of themselves.

They often start out by telling us how their friends would describe them. Terms like loyal, sweet, loving, kind, caring, nurturing. You get the idea. Just add every conceivable nice quality and you get the picture. Now here's the part that's difficult to comprehend. Most of these folks are divorced!

Why would anyone in their right mind let these people get away?

There's got to be something wrong with this picture. I suppose this is no different than Madison Avenue on dating.

Maybe we should have a Truth-In-Dating Site where the ex writes the profile for each person. Then we might get a different picture: He's a lazy bum, drinks too much, can't hold a job and cheats at the drop of a hat. Or maybe, she's a real bitch, keeps a lousy house and cooks things that can't be eaten. Again you get the picture.

In spite of all the negative ways your ex may think of you, there is a lid for every pot. Someone out there may find you just as charming as all your friends think you are.

So, if your ex thinks you’re a jerk, how is it that your new love thinks you are so great? This is an almost absurd reality of life and love. No matter what a jerk your ex was, there are going to be those out there that will not know it, or see it right away.

If he/she is really a jerk, in time they will be found out. Yes, once the honeymoon (usually defined as lust) is over, the real person shines through.

This is not to say that there are some jerks that belong together. There are some jerky traits that drove you crazy, yet they may be admired by someone else who is actually nice. It’s all relative. If your ex was a controller, and this new mate prefers to be controlled, now that’s going to work while it didn’t for you.

The thing that got me thinking was how some women think I am really nice, romantic, helpful, and all sorts of other things that would probably make my ex’s blood boil. Could she tell them a thing or two!

The reality (from my point of view, which means this is a relative-reality – yes, I am the first to put forth the theory of realitivty) is that we can get sick and tired of each other over time because we take each other for granted, we lose the passion, we are disrespectful when speaking to each other and we forget why we fell in love. We show contempt - the prime source of failed relationships according to Dr. John Gottman who has studied marriages more than most anyone.

That explains it all! This is why one person can fall in love with that jerky ex you had enough of after twenty years. This is the derivation of the expression, “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.” I do hope this metaphor helps when you think of your ex!

It is probably best to find peace with your ex, especially if you have children and want to be able to sit in the same room and be nice. Perhaps your ex was really a good person and for one reason or another you grew apart. Always give the benefit of the doubt, and remember you are no longer with this person so don’t let them continue to hurt you. Think of the good times!